A standalone practice
By Michael Mackintosh and Shireen Chada. This article is part of The Human Advantage, a course about keeping human attention, judgement and connection at the centre of digital life. You can use this practice without reading the other articles.
A polished post can hide the amount of work required to make life look effortless.
On beaches in Hawaii, people often spend a long time filming a few seconds for social media. When the camera drops, the checking begins. Another angle. Another adjustment. Another look at the screen.
You cannot know what a stranger feels from across a beach. You can notice how easily creating an image for other people can replace being present with the people already there.
The reflection can replace the relationship
Online, it is easy to enter a room full of people and think mainly about your own reflection. How do I appear? How many people approved? What should I change so the next post performs better?
The metrics are real, and for some people they affect their livelihood. But a metric cannot tell you whether you were honest, whether somebody felt seen or whether the exchange strengthened a real relationship.
Narcissus and Echo are useful warnings
In the Greek myth, Narcissus becomes transfixed by his reflection. Echo loses the ability to speak in her own voice and can only repeat the words of others.
Both images fit digital performance. One person becomes trapped in self-image. Another repeats whatever the surrounding culture rewards. Neither is fully available for relationship.
The opposite of performance is not neglecting how you communicate. It is remembering who the communication is for.
AI can imitate warmth without forming a relationship
A language model can produce considerate words. Sometimes those words are useful. But the system does not show up tomorrow, notice the change in your face, repair a rupture or accept responsibility for how it treated you.
Human compassion is not merely a tone. It is attention, memory, accountability and a willingness to be affected by another person's reality.
A compassion practice for difficult interactions
- Pause before replying, especially when you feel attacked.
- Feel your body and let the first defensive surge pass.
- Remember that a person exists beyond the username.
- Ask what response protects truth, dignity and the actual relationship.
- Reply from that place, or decide that no reply is the wiser action.
Compassion does not require agreement, access or the abandonment of boundaries. Seeing another person clearly can include saying no.
Practice today
See the person before the profile
In one interaction today, stop managing how you look and give your full attention to the person in front of you.
Read how to make technology your tool →