Use the Digital Detox to Reassess Your Relationship with Technology
Life is a series of relationships. We have a relationship with ourselves, our minds, bodies and hearts. We have a relationship with our friends and families, with our work, with nature, with animals. We always have some kind of relationship with everything with which we connect and relate.
By doing a digital detox, it’s a bit like having a temporary separation from a spouse or work or something else you are used to having. Once you get some space, you can feel more clearly what is really going on.
A friend of mine recently got a divorce. We had a chat recently and I asked him how he was doing. “Ahhh! I’m doing so good,” he said with a lot of joy and a big smile. “I’m feeling so liberated, so good, so good. I’m loving it.” He went on to explain that he and his partner had gone in separate directions and it was a compromise for both of them living together. After breaking up, they both felt better and could enjoy their lives more.
Someone else I know also got a divorce. They were separated for about 10 years and then eventually decided to get back together again. They realized they were better together. Now, they are married for the second time and happier than ever. The time apart made them realize how much they loved each other.
Life is full of relationships. Some relationships are more involved and significant than others. And e-media has now become one of those more involved relationships considering that we spend up to one-third or more of our waking lives using it.
For most of us, our overdependence on e-media is like an abusive or dysfunctional relationship with another person. While e-media is not in and of itself a sentient being (at least not yet), we do nonetheless have a relationship with it.
Many mothers feel they have lost their children to video games. Many couples feel they lost their partner to their new mistress—the smartphone—who they adore and with whom they spend all their spare time. They no longer seem interested in their partner. They can’t wait to get back to their new mistress, who goes with them everywhere and sleeps next to them at night. For many, she is the first one they see in the morning and the last thing at night.
Once we realize we have an unhealthy relationship with our devices, we can begin the process of making it right; or in some cases, getting a divorce and calling it a day. Some relationships are a good match and can be worked out; others aren’t and cannot be worked out so a divorce is in order. Each situation is unique and it’s up to you to decide what is right for you.
For me, I realized I needed to have a divorce with my iPhone and Facebook. These two mistresses where simply too demanding and seductive for my own best interests. And despite multiple attempts to make it work, I always felt worse than before I distanced myself from them. When I finally had the courage to get the divorce and work out all the details of what that entailed, I felt free. Yes, there was a slight sadness and some remorse. Occasionally, I wanted to get back to them and carry on like the old days. But overall, it’s been a huge relief.
On the other hand, I am still in relationship with email, computers, and various business-related software programs that help automate our company. While I still need to use e-media to sustain my life and work, I am no longer a slave to the e-media I use. With perseverance and willingness to change myself, I have been able to create a win/win situation with it that serves many souls and generates income without sabotaging my own well-being.
By doing the digital detox, you will find out how free or how trapped you really are. If it’s easy to pull the plug for an extended period, then you are doing pretty awesome. If it’s really hard to do this, then e-media has the upper hand over you and this experience will give you insights on where you are most trapped and what to do about it.
Turn Your Devices Back On Without Returning to the Same Pattern
What to Check Before You Go Back Online
Congratulations! Once you’ve completed your digital detox it’s time to power your devices back on and open the door to the online catharsis, known as the Internet. After being offline for some time, the Internet can feel like an onslaught, an affront to your mind and body.
The next book in this series is The Digital Diet – Experience The Bliss of Less and Claim Back Your Life. It is specifically designed to help you cut back on your e-media consumption so you can spend more time doing what you really love.
However, for now, here are a few tips to support your journey back into the digital jungle.
- Be aware of how you feel when you plug in—notice your reaction.
Do you feel excited? Overwhelmed? Bored? Let Down? Neutral? - What have you (really) missed? The digital world has made most of us experience chronic FOMO (fear of missing out). Take your time to notice how much truly valuable, useful, rewarding, life-changing information you have missed out on. We often assume there is so much we’re missing, but soon realize, in truth we just have a handful of exciting good news and a whole truckload of spam, junk mail, random notifications and updates and other nonsense.
- What do you really need to do? Consider what you are going to do online. Do you need to do it? Or are you simply distracting yourself with fascinating, but pointless entertainment?
- Deal with distractions and addiction. Ultimately, it’s up to you how much time you want to spend on the bottomless pit of online entertainment. If you wanted to, you could spend every minute of every day glued to your screen scrolling the endless newsfeeds, videos, audios and everything else. What do you really want? What is really important? Some entertainment may add value to you—what is it? Find the gold and discard the rest.
- Re-read your story. See if your life and your story are aligned. What story are you telling yourself?
- Feel your feelings. Reach inside to your visions. Enjoy the wonders.
Thank you for your courage.
I look forward to connecting more with you. This is just the beginning!